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Well, this is not exactly a post, it's more of a 'let-it-all-out' sorta thing.

When my results first came out on the beginning towards the middle of July, I was utterly devastated. Why? Allow me to give a story on my academic history. I successfully passed through SPM without studying, literally. Granting me entry into Sunway College (Now known as Sunway University College).

In Sunway, I practically spent everyday playing computer as there was no force or guilt to stop me, but I still made it to class everyday, giving way to a couple of morning classes that I miss since I'm a heavy sleeper. I never stopped playing computer, not even the day before my finals. And my results? 2 Distinctions 1 Credit 2 Fails.

Monash still allowed me entry into year 1 considering that my business subjects were 2 of the top 3 on condition that I take Basic Mathematics as a elective subject during my second semester of my first year. I then entered Monash with the same thinking that I can play computer and pass. Boy was I shit wrong. I passed only 1 bloody subject during my first semester and 1 more in my second semester. But before I could even begin on worrying about my Summer classes, Australia's immigration already revoked my visa and kicked me out of Australia.

After which I came to Taylors, after tuning over a new leaf, and went to class everyday and paid attention till my eyes went sore. Went through a bit of shit in my second semester as there were a lot of people giving me shit when I am quite sure I didn't need it. May it be leaking secrets or backstabbing me unnecessarily, there were such people lingering around me. But I still managed to buck up before my finals and drilled myself to study, for the first time. I spent many nights studying till the break of dawn before going to sleep. I entered each paper confident, for the first time, instead of the usual me going for papers not having a clue what topics were taught in the previous semester. I even had fun after my finals thinking that I'd do quite well. Only to feel like downgraded shit when I stared at my results.

It sucked even more when everybody, including my parents, kept asking me about my results, because I didn't feel like telling anyone. If I had the choice, I wouldn't even have wanted to tell myself. Why? It's because this is the typical scenario when a student refuses to study his whole life, fails a lot, but when he finally opens his eyes and tries to study, he still fails. Demotivating. Demoralizing. Devastating.