I read this somewhere, but I can't remember where. LoL..
Is it a coincidence that there's almost an equal number of churches as there are strip clubs?
I don't think so. It just means there's as many religious people as there are 'lap dance enthusiasts.'
What's interesting is that there's a group of people that regularly visit both.
What's even MORE interesting is that the group of people that work at both.
Will be officially aired 26/06/09!
Michael Bay gives me yet another birthday treat, having said the last treat given was in 2007!
I think I see Ravage, meaning there should be Soundwave, as rumoured.
I also assume that oversized piece of scrap metal might be Devastator, also as rumoured.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
3. The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you are going to steal you neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
5. Do not aspire to become irreplaceable. If you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
6. Remember, no one is listening until you fart.
7. Never forget you are unique, just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you do not succeed, avoid skydiving.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.
13. Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you do not have to remember anything.
15. Some days we are the flies, some days we are the windscreens.
16. Do not worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
20. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.
21. Generally speaking, you are not learning much if your lips are moving.
22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
23. Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.
24. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.
25. The most wasted day of all is one which we have not laughed.
26. Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
A little girl asked her father: 'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'
The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.'
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a good sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Location: Atlantis Resort in The Bahamas
Read all about it here: TMZ
My utmost congratulations to the class of 2008.
I bid you Godspeed as you march forth into the unpredictable future.
Home.
Whatever race, skin colour or ethnic group you belong to, it is a word, a concept, that makes the heart swell with longing.
Home can be ancient ancestral lands, or a new place that one has built on his own.
Home can even be found in the eyes of the beloved.
But we all need it, yearn for it, know that without a home of some sort, we are incomplete.
I know now, looking at my family, the photos, the memories, the joy, the anguish, the sorrow, the pain, where home is.
I look into the eyes of my newly discovered beloved, and I realise there are things no sentient beings, as egoistic as they pride themselves about, can live without.
As much as I complain about the origins of my birth, the way things work, the good and the bad, even something as blatently stupid as the hot weather, I still can't find it in myself to deny, home is where my heart resides.
To hell with overseas prospects being better.
For a better future, such things have rob me of my present.
To make big money, own a big house, drive a big car, but have not enough memories in one's life to carry with him, is that what one would call living?
With all things aside, as much as most of you envy me, I, in return, envy you.
I still long to know what a real interview feels like, I want to feel the anticipation, the disappointment when a company I've applied to calls me, the feeling of having nothing that when anything new conjures before my eyes, I'm filled with unspeakable awe.
But most of all, I envy you who have never been forced to leave home and be place into a position where you no longer have a choice but to part with the one your heart yearns for.
Home, a sanctuary where my heart shall always reside.
We are all weak, in one way or another. Neither gender nor species matters.
Sometimes that weakness is a strength in disguise.
Sometimes it is nothing more than our utter undoing.
Sometimes it is both.
The wise man understands his weakness and, with such, seeks out a lesson within it.
The fool lets his weakness control and destroy him.
But, ironically...
... Sometimes the wise man is a fool.
Hate is, with such, a weakness.
Hate is powerful.
Hate can be eternal.
Hate can be manipulated.
And...
... Hate can be created.
How easily the mind can be turned to hate merely from a place of fear - an instinctive, natural, protective response.
Instead of focusing on the things that unite us, we choose to focus on the things that divide us.
My prayer, everyday, is for wisdom to make the right decisions. And in that prayer is crouched a plea, never to be blinded by such trivial differences.
After going through a series of extreme prejudiced racism in my office. I feared I was going to succumb to something I just came to know as 'Desk Rage'.
Desk Rage, by professionals, is defined as: 'The peak of office employee stress levels which ultimately starts with the screaming of vulgar language within the workplace. It can often times lead to assaulting fellow employees, abusing office equipment and/or stealing of company property, abusing sick days and ultimately poor production at work. A possible side effect is that the employee continues to take out his or her rage at their residence in the form of kicking small animals and drinking heavily.'
I seriously LOL-ed at this.
After giving it sufficient thought, I decided that the way I was, *though people disgree with me for many different reasons*, perhaps was the only way I could handle myself best at.
As a tortoise retracts into its shell, I, as a bear, would be better off seeking out solitude in my cave. Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking, why do I need to utilize the 'seeking attention path (which is commonly recognized as "I need to get it off my chest")' when all my life, growing up in high school, no one really cared about anybody's problems. Hence, we always just kept our personal problems to ourselves.
With such, I've decided to put on my old shoes and no longer explain or dote over why I am sad or angry or disappointed or fedup or yada yada yada etc etc etc. Whether I show or do not show it is a completely different story. But at the end of the day, I will refuse to talk aboout it.
This is because, out of dire honesty, I am sick and tired of getting ignorance or annoyance as a responsive feeling towards everything I say whenever I say it. I will stick to this preset set-up till people can learn to stfu and hear me out before they try to act smart and prove to me that they really really DO understand me better than I do myself.
Besides, I'll definitely manage, for I've grown up like this. In a world where I was literally alone, no one genuinely cared, and even if they say they did, you definitely know they weren't being honest about it. It is just a line you tend to use when somebody isn't in his right frame of mind. For example, the most common line used at a funeral would be "if there is anything I can do for you, just let me know". Meh, I say call his bluff. People only know how to repeat used lines and claim it as their own. No originality whatsoever.
At the end of the day, I won't die from shutting up. As much as the world thinks that I will explode when my temper reaches its threshold, I still feel more like my true self. I believe the past does not equal to the future, but I can't deny that it has molded me into my present. Hence, I am who I am, an individual standalone.
Had enough of complaining how Edward Saw doesn't smile? While, prepare for an endless amusement. I will smile through my hurt and pain, through my tears and sorrow, just to make all of you happy. =)
Is it right for one to force himself to control the way he feels because of factors such as:
i) disrupting the normalities that were formed through repetition and culture.
ii) internal-external conflicts due to a decision with nearby related parties due to the unwritten rules that we have chosen to co-exist with.
iii) distortions in the plans and promises made in the past-present-future.
And for what it's worth, allow the world to proceed as it is without being affected by me at the cost of my happiness and desires? Need such a selfless act be necessary for the well-being of everyone else?
Quote from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Kunu: "When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail."
Yeah well, how easy is it to actually fuck the lemons.
Ever had a particular period whereby everything just seemed to go wrong for you? I just had my own personal dosage of a relatively periodic series of unfortunate events.
Saturday night, well... That one's a little more personal. Something I have been trying to live with while lying to myself and the people around me. Every now and then, that problem just reoccurs because of 1 aspect every human being has: stubborness and possibly from me as well. No, I have not been happy, AND if you think I am sad, I am most probably a lot sadder than I think you think I am.
Sunday marked the release of the referral results. Eventhough I managed to pass my Financial Management exam, I still ironically failed the overall, hence I'm walking towards a general degree. Recently I went for two seperate convocations to cheer my friends on. GOSH, the pride on their parents face is just priceless. Sigh, not only do I fail as a boyfriend and occasionally a friend, I even fail as a son and a child. My parents already set very low expectations for me and I cannot even achieve them.
Monday I roamed from 7-11 to 7-11 looking on the notice board for places to rent out, but I kept on ending up with crap or losing rooms to other people, especially the better bargians. Ended up staying around Kelana Jaya till 11-ish just looking for a place, but at the end of it all, my effort was in vain. Thankfully Rue was there to fetch me around, otherwise it would have been bitterly miserable.
Tuesday my phone's motherboard decided to give way. Half the keys didn't respond to me numb-like fingers pressing and pounding on them hence I had to hand it over to Nokia for repairs. The best part? UK warranty does not cover Malaysian repairs, nor does motherboards sound cheap. Yet another lemon life has decided to throw at me and funnily enough, I failed to dodge it.
On an overall note, I mother-fucking hate my job. Perhaps it is because I refuse to mingle around with my fellow finance people. Problem is, they are twice my age and I am seriously not interested in their topics of conversation. Day after day after day after day after week after week, I eat lunch alone, I spend my weekdays alone. At any point when any of my friends actually plan dinner or a movie or the sort post-working hours. I am honestly very happy and I actually count the minutes looking forward to it. Pathetic as it may seem, thats how I live now.
Giving leeway for irony to slap me harder on my face, I do not even know why I am typing so much when obviously speaking no one bothers to read my blog. The fact I'm not a girl with 36-26-34 body sizes definitely does not the situation hence I am actually better off talking to the fucking wall.
I miss my piano. It is the only think I have ever had in my life that truly understood how I feel and hugged me through it all. I really hate my job even more. I feel like I have no time for... For what honestly.
Everyday I stand on the train all the way into the heart of KL and look at my reflection in the mirror. I look haggard, I look worn out, I do not even look happy. For some apparent reason I am still typing eventhough I know for a fact no one reads this semi-abandoned blog. I wonder what life has in store for me tomorrow, another argument? Another backlash? Who cares, I might as well get run over by a 18 wheeler for all I care at the moment.
=)
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find dad staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
As most of you already know, I'm currently working in Prudential, KL. My primary job there is back reconcialiation, something Ms. Puspa said 'It's definitely not coming out for the finals' so I didn't bother to try hard in year 1, THUS facing sufficient difficulty performing my day-to-day work. Doesn't help that I can't really remember how to use excel as effectively as I once did in year 1 as well, so, still facing difficulty I suppose.
A small cut out from a conversation with SOMEONE.
You know who you are ;)
Noob: So... What ARE you doing at Prudential anyway?
Bear: Bank recon lo...
Noob: HUH? SO EASY? HAIYO LIKE THAT ALSO NEED TO DO MEH? ANYONE CAN DO BANK RECO............. (yada yada yada)
Bear: Really?
Noob: YEAH LA...
Bear: Prudential has 25 banks..........
Noob: O....h.......
Bear: ;)
My Cubicle
The view that I occasionally look at
The view that I NORMALLY look at
When I actually start doing work
Unlike year 1, the bigger banks have 2 million transactions each with a minimum of 7 digits
So occasionally, work can be stressful as ONE of the 7-9 digits REFUSES to balance
Thus I came up with the most brilliant way to handle the situation
Step 1:
Let the paper know you are frustrated
Step 2:
Start again
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
This is the graph of NASA's Apollo 8's flight evaluation report. Dynamic pressure increases as the shuttle is forcing itself to elevate upwards and after a period of time decreases due to the air becoming thinner and there's less force stopping the ascend of the shuttle.
This graph shows me the maturity level of MANY people around me. Lets take:
Dynamic pressure = Maturity level
Mach number = Egocentric-ness
Range time = Years in multiplications of 4
This is only applicable to a specific number of people within my vicinity, including people I have never even met before, seen throught the blogs of my beloved friends.
They are considerably at their peak of maturity at the age of 16, after which it deteriorates as their bloody egocentric-ness increases at an increased pace. Finally as they hit their early to late twenties (an estimate of 22-28 years of age), their maturity level becomes gradually insignificant and their ego suffocates our local atmosphere.
Sometimes I wonder whether it is harder to 'grow up' if compared to the attemptation to pray in a nightclub.
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